Let your imagination run wild: how I see you

I remember the first time I met you, gentle yet charming, a radiant smile with a loving heart. The moment we locked eyes, I knew there was something special about you, not just how we met but what you represent. I always tell you that you reminded me that God truly exists, through the laughter and tears, it still rings true for me.

I always remind you how cheesy your lines were when we met, how I felt safe around you and how much I appreciated that you asked for consent with everything we did that magical night. Whenever I struggle with why I am still with you, I remember that early morning and my faith is renewed.

I know the depression, moving in together, the pregnancy, as well as being new parents has been tough. I pray that now that we are adapting to all the new changes we have experienced in a year, that we restore our love and make it better than the first time.

I pray that you are more understanding, caring, as well as loving everyday even when you are angry or annoyed with me. I imagine a time when we don’t fight but lead with love. I am tired of being annoyed and angry with you, I just want to always be in love with you, from the moment I wake up to the second I fall asleep.

I pray that what matters to me even if you don’t agree or understand why, matters to you as well. It breaks my heart to constantly have to explain the little bits that matter to me, because they sometimes don’t resonate with you. I want to reach a place where I no longer have to say it’s ok when it’s not. I long for the day when you will not ask me why I’m not ok but know why I’m not by just reading my body language.

I am tired of crying because I sometimes don’t recognise the man speaking to me. I wish that when I walk into the room you could light up like it’s the first time you are seeing me. Like I’m the most beautiful woman you’ve ever laid eyes on. I wish you could see me the way I would love to be seen, love me in a way I recognise.

My heart bleeds because I’m always left confused, am I asking for too much or am I just a difficult person? I wonder if I dreamt the first few months of our relationship? If we moved in together too quickly? If we worked better apart than together?

My heart longs for a love that is a unit not singular with branches. I see us as a unit and I pray that you could eventually see us as that as well. You are my living dream and I’ll forever love you. I’ll keep trying, being patient, hoping the day comes when we are in perfect sync.

For now I accept that this is the adjustment stage like any other job, you have to adjust to the land and find what works best for you. I hope and pray that day comes sooner rather than later. Don’t worry for now my eyes and my mind haven’t wondered, I don’t find anyone attractive or find myself lusting for another, I only have eyes for you and pray it stays that way.

For me, when you meet the man who embodies the love you’ve always yearned for, you praise the Lord and ancestors for blessing you and everyday you appreciate that you are lucky to be blessed. I wonder how long it will last but I know not to stay in that uncertain place for too long because nothing good ever comes easy and it’s no use driving oneself crazy over the unknown.

Finally, I pray for all the good I need to come through and build a happy family made with a foundation laid with love, kindness and acceptance. I want to teach my daughter that dreams do come true and good men exist. I hope you turn that dream into a reality.